‘Experimental Phase’, the Buckwheat muffin/cookie edition

Makes 10 / ~40 mins / £3-7.00

DO NOT EAT DO NOT EAT DO NOT EAT ok just one bowl full

You know when you’re young and in school, all your teachers are like “Experiment! All great inventions were made from experiments” and then you go home and you use the bidet as a mixing bowl for your mother’s perfume, talcum powder and Pepto-Bismol that has patently NOT been kept out of reach of children? This isn’t like that; this is more like Archimedes getting in the bath, Alexander Fleming’s discarded petri dish, or something Einstein probably did one time. Plus you won’t get treated like a convict in your own home after you’ve made ‘em.

BUCKWHEAT COOKIES MUFFINS MUFFIES. (I think this is a suitable name to be included in this blog)

I made several attempts to make buckwheat cookies over the week, but for some reason everything split, spilt, or the recipe was for 3 cookies from some health food website and I’m just not about that. I was one step away from full-scale culinary catastrophe, when R took control of the whisk. As luck might have it, we had run out of buckwheat flour at 1 cup, so we substituted the other ¼ cup with another flour blend and the rest is Muffie history. I AM SO HAPPY WE INVENTED MUFFIES. I will be so mad if this is like the time I invented pinstripe toast (stripe of nutella, stripe of peanut butter) and then discovered that some company in Italy had been making it as a spread for years WHAT IN FRESH HELL IS THAT ABOUT. Anyway, read this while I go and recover from reliving that emotionally distressing day.


¼ cup Dove’s white self-raising flour blend

1 cup buckwheat flour

½ tsp salt

½ cup butter (or coconut oil)

¾ cup demerera or muscovado sugar

¼ cup of light brown soft sugar

½ tsp vanilla extract

1 egg

1 cup milk chocolate chips

(you can, if you don’t want to go out and buy another type of flour, just use 1 and ¼ cups of buckwheat flour and add in a teaspoon of sieved baking powder, they may turn out a little differently, but they will still be delicious, no doubt)

Pre-heat the oven to gas mark 4, or forget about it and turn it on at the last minute what’s the worst that can happen they take longer to cook, you get salmonella and die


Line you muffin tin with muffin cups

Mix the salt and flours and set aside

Whisk together the sugars and the butter ‘until light and fluffy’ as the experts say, or ‘until your arm hurts’ as I say

Add the vanilla extract and the egg and do whatever you have to do so that they forgive each other their differences and combine

You could use a knife that isn't about to split in half, you could, or you could live on the edge with me

Add the flour bit by bit, avoiding whisking it out of the bowl and onto your new black jumper

Add in the chocolate chips

Scoop into muffin cups, they want to be halfway full or halfway empty depending on how you look at it but you’re making muffies and you’re wrong if you think the muffin cup is half empty you’re wrong

Once in, you can add a cube of chocolate to the centre of a few, making sure to cover with dough, or you can just put them straight into the oven, make a cup of tea and relax, they’ll be out in about 15 minutes

This diptych is called The Physical Impossibility of Just Eating Two  Muffins in the Eyes of the Writer, thanks Damien

Check out our Resources for useful information about food if you want.


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